Open Letter to the Asshole in Charge of My Company's Drink Machine
dear manager in charge of this drink machine: i hate you. this machine gets countless drinks stuck in it, is constantly eating money (seriously, how hungry IS this machine?), and has had more breakdowns than a new roller coaster at kings dominion. sometimes the machine even decides to be picky on what money it likes, where some days it only likes foldable money and others only liking the kind that jingles. Other times it doesn't even want my money as all of it either gets spat back out at me or goes right through it, much like a defiant toddler refusing to eat its carrot paste.
the "money return" lever doesn't work, so i don't even know why it's there other than to tease us when we press the button for the drink we like only to find it isn't there.
i also want to question why this machine only accepts cash. i've come into contact with plenty of machines that accept cards... why is this one still behind the times? i'll bet if you put a card reader on this thing, you'd be surprised how many people are suddenly thirsty.
in the meantime, you may as well install a corkboard on the front of it after seeing the sheer amount of post-its i've seen on this thing... all of which state that the machine is devouring their cash like the greedy money-glutton that it is.
this machine is evil, corrupt, and selfish, and after all the abuse i've endured i'm starting to believe this thing has become self-aware and takes great pleasure in smashing my hopes and dreams every time i get thirsty.
i beg of you, on behalf of myself and the rest of the silent majority, please replace this 880lb* paperweight with something reliable.
*the average fully loaded drink machine is roughly 880 lbs (400kg) because wikipedia says so.