ask the average american if they like football, and they'll look at you as if it's a trick question. this whole damn country loves football, and hate anyone who dares to make jabs at such a precious event.
originally, i was hesitant to dare write anything about football, but then i realized this is my goddamn page and i'll write whatever the hell i want.
i'm not going to great lengths to say that there's anything wrong with the game itself. it certainly CAN be entertaining... or in my case, only when the team i like is winning and i'm about 6 beers drunk. it's not the game i dislike... it's the fans and the hype of it i dislike.
for those of you who do not really keep up with football, how many times have you been trapped in these conversations where someone wants to stop you and yammer on and on about the same 3 players that are of any decent quality or easily remembered on their team? i don't care... nobody cares, and all your stupid speculation is completely pointless because whoever that player is, they're sure to disappoint you yet again next game as per fucking usual.
if not them, they'll pick out players that aren't doing so well, and say "well, they're not doing THAT bad", going through denial of something completely irrelevant to ANYTHING important.
they'll also pick out players from teams they don't like and talk about how their team has a chance because of some other bad player.
here's the reality: NONE OF IT MATTERS!
i was bored just writing those paragraphs... none of it is of any interest to me. shut up and watch the game, talk about the highlights, but otherwise, be quiet.
the only reason i bring this up is because these same people who expect me to sit and listen to their sports drivel are the same people who don't want to listen to my opinions of good and bad actors, stories, or video games. "nah bra, i don't play all those games! all i know is modern warfare and madden!" here's a clue: everything new for modern warfare and battlefield is yet another ploy from corporations to bleed a series dry. it's like yet another sequel to a horror movie. oh, and let me start in on madden:
Fuck Madden
Madden is THE ONLY nfl game produced every year because EA Sports went in and bought all the rights. that in and of itself is just bullshit. and you know the games are garbage when you find them in the dollar bin next year. they're designed for mindless football fans who want another toy to impress their friends with. you wanna play madden? go pirate it on the pc, which is now a platform. stick it to the man.
how can you possibly enjoy a game that doesn't even have any standards? there's no competition whatsoever, so they can just produce whatever the hell they want with it. they could make the game all about eating cheez whiz from a football helmet if they wanted, and because of their exclusive rights, you'd have no other football game to play. sorry timmy, you can't play as your favorite football player in any other game than this one. they have free reign to make it as shitty as they want. now do they make it shitty? thankfully, they at least try to make it good, but it's still the same fucking game over again with different physics added and a different take on the simulation. but none of those are even the reasons people play madden... nope... the only reason players ACTUALLY play is because: roster update. seriously, take the same exact game and make up names for teams and players, and nobody will want it. they want to play as their respective updated players.
this is a monopoly by definition, and it's deplorable.
and like i said, if you want proof that these games suck, see how much they're selling for after a year. all the actually good games for that platform are still being bought like hot cakes, but these madden games are tossed in the fucking bin.
how can anybody expect me to show any kind of interest in football when there are so many people that go out of their way to make it more boring than GOLF?! this is a typical night watching a football game with the boys:
1. kickoff never starts for another hour so we can all sit around and listen to geriatric men blather on about the game as if that makes any sort of difference to the outcome while they exert humor and forced enthusiasm that only a 5-year-old would find entertaining.
2. they finally start showing footage of the players "warming up" and different shots of the field. flip to different retarded people in the stands, and flip a few times for the cheerleaders who, while they make great eye candy, are completely unneeded to the game.
3. after a fucking eternity and more drivel from the old men, they finally kick the game off. then you suddenly realize that unlike any other game that continues for long periods of time, these fuckers have it easy because they don't actually DO anything for longer than about 10 seconds per play before they're huddling back up to execute yet another "BRILLIANT" play, just like the other team's going to do. *side note, it's not brilliant because it almost always goes nowhere*
4. some pointless penalties happen that simply slow the game down and make everyone yell at the referee, who i swear is just a glorified troll. sometimes they throw flags for no damn reason, only so they can say "oops, ur right, there was no penalty. carry on. umad?"
5. commercials kick on for sports cars, pickup trucks, food, stocks, apple phones and tablets, and for some hilariously nonsensical reason: web hosting. yes, because the average football meathead knows how to even use a computer let alone want to design a web page with it for people to visit.
6. forgot to mention, the entire time from the beginning hour of drivel to the time the game ends, everyone in the room continues to pointlessly speculate about what their team SHOULD be doing, and what would happen if something else happened and how that would give their team the advantage. then they look at you expecting you to nod your head. but beware, because every football party has opposing team fans, so if you nod to one, you are the enemy to the other, so you can't nod to them either, or you've just committed some enormous social faux pas.
7. the commentary from the old men never stopped from even before the game. they're still going. seriously, why bother? there's enough talk from the drooling idiots watching this shit in their living rooms. must be nice to pick up a paycheck for just sitting there with diarrhea of the mouth.
8. half time shows up, and we get to watch a show of the cheerleaders... an always boring show. yes, they're sexy. so get naked and fingerbang yourself on the field. this cheerleading "dance" is just yawn-inducing.
9. the game continues, but by this point, you already know which team's going to win because up until now there haven't been any drastic changes between which team has clearly got their head up their ass.
10. somebody makes a great play, and everyone on the team bumps chests and molests each others' asses. sometimes they even kiss. the dipshits watching all laugh.
11. multiple random camera shots of people at the game you were too cheap to buy a ticket to go to. some are dressed like homeless clowns, others are holding up signs that somehow or other make a difference to the outcome of the game, and they're never clever, despite the look of the person holding the sign that assures you it is.
12. intermittant flashes of the scores of OTHER SPORTING EVENTS because apparently football is so boring they hope to keep your attention by showing scores of even more boring sporting events.
13. finally the game ends, everyone's drunk, and you feel like you've wasted your time.
14. the old men are still talking, and will continue talking through into next week.
15. we all stay another hour and wait for the next game to start so we can do this all over again.
and is it just me, or should football only appeal to gay men and straight women?
1. men putting their hands on each others' sacks and asses
2. the geriatric old men love to talk about a "great sack" every time the qb gets tackled
3. they're wearing pants that accentuate their asses
4. the cheerleaders look like they're put there hastily so as to say "this isn't homoerotic because we have half-naked women dancing here!"
5. everytime something good happens, all the men hug each other and yell
6. in the scuffles, it's always a challenge to see how many men can put their bodies all over the pile of male bodies on the ground.
7. men call each other "baby".
8. multiple ass-shots from the camera. seriously, you'd be surprised how many times the camera likes to zoom in on players' asses.
i'm sorry, this is about as homoerotic as wwf wrestling. look at this sport again, and ask yourself how the hell a straight man can possibly enjoy all the flambuoyance, yet still have homophobia. it boggles the mind.
like i said, i'm not bashing the game itself. it can be entertaining, but the part that makes it non entertaining is all the fucking talk everyone makes around it, the hype about it, and the superfluous bullshit it's covered in. shut up, watch the game, cheer when something good happens, boo when something bad happens, walk away mildly buzzed and satisfied.
there's no need for people to skip work or fail to do things because "they wanted to watch football". it's a fucking outdoor sport. it's a game. get over it. i enjoy playing video games, and do you think i get a chance to really talk about it with people? no. i have to enjoy it privately or in a very limited crowd. it's always secondary to getting my shit done, so what's the fucking point of letting FOOTBALL supercede everything?
go watch something awesome like ufc or boxing. football is a waste of entertainment.
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