I decided to have some fun with spammer "chicks" that contact me on social networking sites. Their english is terrible and their messages reveal their obvious bot identity quicker than the name Bieber reveals gender identity.
here are some of my responses to spammers
Subject: hello dear
my name is blessing and my contact address is
(firstname.lastname@example.org) :i am a beautiful young girl with full of love
and caring, well i saw your profile and i love it, i think we can click
together. please i will like you to contact me through this my email
address thus (email@example.com) please contact me with my email
address i will be happy to show you my photo and at disame time you will
know more about me.once again please contact me true my email
address.don't send it to the site,they will not allow me to read your
reply due to i don't have any access their.so please email with my
address.i will be glad to hear from you .
thanks for your
i don't speak to people who can't complete sentences and make up words like "disame." i also don't speak to people who are blocked. how the hell do you get blocked from a social networking site anyway? spamming the same message much?
exactly what does "due to i dont' have any access to their." mean? even if you were real and not a bot, you're too dumb to be worth my time.
adding "blessed" to your name and signature doesn't make it any less obvious that you're an upselling whore-bot trying to get me to click some link that will install a whole bunch of software and shortcuts i didn't ask for (as well as some new "toolbar" that my browser could use... as if anyone needs those damn things. Seriously, your browser is not a car... it doesn't need a dashboard!)
what did you say your name was? blessing? nobody has the name blessing. what's your last name? Wetwang? Blessing Wetwang? well Ms. Wetwang, how can you be with full of love and caring? you should also learn to use periods instead of commas. contact you through this your email address thus? what the hell does that even ... i can't even begin to... you make my brain hurt! "please contact me with my email address." you want me to contact you by your email address with your email address? ... that's so redundant and stupid on so many levels. what is disame time? "the same time"? or is that the time when you do the act of "disaming"? you ask me to email you with your address multiple times.
"thanks for your understanding" yeah well, i didn't understand. not one bit. there was little to understand, so you cannot have my understanding! it's MINE! UNDERSTAND?! (See what I did there?)
Farewell Ms. Wetwang. Hopefully after hitting the books to learn english, you'll learn to not get banned from social networking for spamming and giving intelligent people aneurysms with trying to understand your "blessed" logic!
My name is Monica I was impress when i saw your profile at [social networking site rescinded]
and i will
like you to email me back to my inbox so that i can send you my picture for you to know who i am.I believe we can establish a long lasting relationship with you.
In addition,i will like you to reply me through my
private e mail box (firstname.lastname@example.org).
This is because i dont know the possibilities of
remaining in forum for a long time.
Thanks,waiting to hear from you soonest.
-New rule. if you have the name "baby", "girl", "gurl", "princess", or "doll" in your username, then i get to assume you're a brainless stripper, hooker, pricktease, or all of the above.
-if your subject was your email address, why would you write it again as the beginning of the message?!
-"I was impress" i think you're forgetting the "ed" in that word... remember, ED, as in educationally disabled!
-"i will like you to email me back to my inbox". i WOULD like to, but i think emails go better when they're sent to your sent box, or in my case, my TRASH CAN! why was it necessary to tell me to send the email to your inbox? where the hell else could i possibly send it? seriously, is there a way to send someone an email and make sure that it doesn't come into their inbox, but rather one of their other folders without them putting a filter on you?! it's impossible! Wait, I just took a second look at this statement. I will like you to email ME back to my inbox. How... how do you email a person back to their inbox? do they fit in a .7z file? How do I get you into a computer? Simple: you're a bot, thus you're already part of cyberspace! BUSTED! I'm so smart. Sorry, honey, but the only bot for me is cleverbot. you can kindly go disassemble yourself.
-"I believe we can establish a long lasting relationship with you." we? oh i get it, you're siamese twins! both named monica. ... hot? wait, you both suck at english, nevermind.
-"in addition, i will like you to reply me through my private e mail box." in addition? like, i'm supposed to send this (to your INBOX now, before I forget and accidentally hack your computer send it elsewhere) to you, AND your private e mail box? you mean email... or e-mail? what is e mail? is that a person? and how the hell do i "reply" you? reply TO you is what you meant to say, right? no? reply you. ... that's not even physically possible!
-and now the gold: "this is because i don't know the possibilities of remaining in forum for a long time". IF ONLY YOU KNEW THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!!!!! Well, monicababy, the possiblities are ENDLESS! we can do so much in "forum", i'd blow your mind! especially when you take into account that you're actually a set of siamese twins... giggidy giggidy goo!
well monica, i think you, you, and me have learned quite a bit about each other today. i discovered you have multiple boxes of input (get it? because they're siamese twins?) and you learned that I don't tolerate moron spammers. Your capitalization is sporadic (moreso than my own) and your presentation was laughable. good luck getting people to send things to your "inbox" you dirty twatset!
UPDATE: 3/23/11 here's a new one: